Back Pain & How it Affects a Marriage

Keara~ I am praying for you and your husband.

Thank you.

You are welcome. I'm here if you need someone to listen.

I used to have severe problems with depression. Had pretty much overcome them. The right meds; a good therapist focusing on mindfulness and meditation. But now I am so frustrated and overwhelmed by the pain and the pain meds I am thinking up ways to die. This is wrong; for one thing, I know if would break my husband's heart. I'm also thinking up ways to hurt myself -- as if the pain's not enough -- or actually, pain to cover the pain! I really am a sane, hardworking person, but then I break down in tears and anger... I don't know what to do with myself and sometimes I really hate myself.

I understand your pain and frustration. I was hit by a drunk driver 12 years ago when he ran a red light and hit me at 70 MPH. My life has been totally destroyed by this accident. I am also married and have a difficult time not taking out my pain and frustration on my Husband. I am working on that really hard. I also think about dying commonly. The only thing that keeps me here are my family and the fact that my cousin killed himself two years ago and I have seen how it has destroyed my family. I have been through spinal back surgery to keep the use of my legs and I am now facing neck surgery. I am scared and don't want any part of this life any more. I too was a very hard hard worker and loved my career as a Veterinary Technician. My life feels very dull and boring because I sit on the couch in pain every day and do my best to take care of my 9 month old daughtar. Sometimes I don't feel capable of being the best Mother because my whole body hurts all the time. I feel alone because no one understands what I am going through.

Wow, that's a lot to deal with. I hope you can find a real-live support group of some kind to at least take care of the loneliness. I understand about the body hurting all the time & wondering how well you are doing what you want to be doing better. Just know if you care about being a good mother, then you are being a good mother, or at least the best you can be at the time. Maybe journal about this time both as an outlet and sort of to write a book for your daughter when she is older. I don't have any children, so I can't imagine how it feels, but I bet it would be neat to have a journal from my mom from when I was growing up. I do know how awful it would be to have to leave a career you love. I'm sorry. You are not alone.

All - I am doing better, but I am on three pain meds, which have caused me to blow up like a balloon and also make me a little less on-the-ball than I've liked. The best news is that I will get to have surgery soon and that should help ease some if not all of the pain. My husband has also been much more supportive, and I have become more even-keel emotionally.

Had surgery. Much much better. Removed 7mm cyst plus part of a bulging disk plus a bunch of synovial fluid. I can walk again! (without limping, without feeling like I have a charlie-horse all the time & without my foot going numb). Somewhat difficult recovery, and could only have done this with insurance, but very worth it.

I was diagnosed with rhematoid arthritis when I was 25 years of age. Over the years, I have had minor aches and pains. I had to have shots in my knees to ease swollen knees. These symptoms went away for awhile. Now that I am 45, my back pains have came back with force. The meds that I take are not working so well. My husband is sometimes sympathic and rubs my back which makes it feel better temporarily. When the meds don't work, I can't help out with our two children and the housework. We get into arguments because housework is not done sometimes. It is so flustrating when you can't function as normal.

I can fully understand and feel for all of those who have posted above. I too was a hard working person. I was a retail manager and loved it. Believe it or not, I loved dealing with people all the time. My 'life" came to a hault when I hurt my back at work in June 2009. Not only have I gone through the pain and feeling as though I wish I would die, but I have had to endure the pressure/headaches of the workmans comp system. They make it hard for anyone to get the help they need. I had back surgery in Sept 2009 and was doing well. The pain came back in Dec 2009 and here I sit. Everyday is a challenge for me. I can barely walk most of the time and spend alot of time laying flat or sitting in a recliner. I also have 2 young children who dont understand why mommy cant help them or play with them. At first I felt like a lousy mom but after talking to alot of people I just thank God that I get to spend all this time with them. My husband also doesnt understand. He yells at me frequently for not doing things, not wanting to go out, or simply for being in a rotten mood. I have been on so many different pain meds. Things that work knock me out so I cant take them and take care of the kids. I thank God I have my mom and sister around to help me out. My house is a wreck. I try so hard to keep it up but cant due to my pain. I also have the depression issue too. I am on meds for it and most of the time it is under control. Then again, how can anyone who deals with constant pain not have some type of depression. Anyhow, everyone hang in there. Like the one person said, dying doesnt solve anything. It may make us not in pain anymore, but it causes a multitude of pain for the ones we left behind.